"Blood, Sweat, and Tears"
by Bradley Blomfield
FADE IN:
INT. GYM - DAY
Sound of a gym - treadmills, grunts, jump ropes, boxing bags fill the background.
The gym is in full action full of people doing their daily exercise.
JACK, a beefy heavily muscled man, is doing bicep curls admiring his own reflection in the mirror. JACK looks around to see who else is admiring his muscles, but no one is looking.
JACK spies a young woman on the treadmill, he poses for her. She rolls her EYES and carries on running and listening to her music. He is outraged she does not appreciate him.
Next he sees a girl wailing on the punch bag. He pulls a new more elaborate pose. She too rolls her EYES and carries on pummeling.
MONTAGE:
JACK posing for multiple gym goers, with all of them rolling their EYES at him.
The parade is over and JACK is brooding on the lack of recognition he received.
Now enter ARNIE to fix JACK's troubles. Arnie offers Jack a special pre-workout SHAKE, guaranteeing such gains as 'nobody will rolls their EYES at you again!' but promising too a terrible taste
JACK chooses to drink the SHAKE. Jack feels pumped, all the way pumped, to show everyone his gains.
He begins anew his parade around the gym, following the same order as his first lap.
JACK strikes a pose for the young woman on the treadmill, only this time when she's about to roll her EYES, they instead QUIVER a moment and then POP, blood squirts and the young woman screams. Jack is annoyed that she can no longer see to admire him.
The punching bag girl: JACK poses and her EYES POP too. Jack again is annoyed by this.
MONTAGE
JACK posing for the same as the first multiple gym goers, and all of their EYES POP.
Blinded people stumble and crawl around JACK. One clasps onto Jack's leg, pleading for a saviour. Jack's chest swells with importance. Jack strikes a hero pose reminiscent of a 70's movie poster, complete with woman sat at his feet and chaos storming behind him.
JACK catches sight of his hero self in the mirror. He grins like a champ ... then his EYES QUIVER. CUT TO BLACK
Hi Brad the story is coming along nicely but you need to get the language right and explain everything that the viewer is seeing. I have fixed up the first part and sent it to your SIT email so you can see what i mean. Cheers Rachel
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